Gigantic piece of Driftwood found in Bay to be cut into pieces to decorate millions of Gulf Condos

Eugenia Jackson, of Foley, spent her Saturday morning hunting for shells on the bayside of Fort Morgan when she spotted something peculiar. It looked as though a small piece of driftwood was hovering near her face, but when she stepped closer she realized this was a very large piece of driftwood, just further away (Eugenia has a history of depth perception issues, and often thinks that babies are just adults that are really far away). Once she reached the driftwood, or Drifttree (?) she knew her life was about to change. This morning wood was about to make her rich.

The tree is said to stand 6 stories tall and displays a width nearly that of a Land Rover. Local Dendrophiles estimate the tree to be over 50 years old. Contractors from all over the county have been working day and night to cut the tree down into more convenient sizes of driftwood to be displayed in the living rooms of countless condos along the Gulf Coast. Once all of the pieces are sold, Eugenia is said to make a profit of 200 Million dollars. 

Eugenia was asked what she plans to do when she receives the 200 million dollars . She tells TFI that she will put a down payment on a home in the Fruit & Nut District, and will get a loan to finance the rest.