Fairhope's Philip Rivers, set to start for the Colts this Sunday, is claimed to have recruited St. Michael's students as his Offensive Line.

 

The town of Fairhope was shocked on Wednesday when local football coach for St. Michael's school for gifted dancers, a tribute to Michael Jackson, was offered role of starting quarterback for the Indianapolis Colts. The Colts have been struck with a tragic number of quarterback injuries this week and were getting desperate. They even admitted to settling for a Nickelback, but they turned down the role. 

On Thusday however, Rivers, former San Diego QB, came to the rescue, bringing in a batch of superstars from the St. Michaels team as well to act as offensive line, being paid in extra credit and candy bonuses. Rivers, 44, admits it's been a while since he's been pummeled by a 350 lb grown man running 25mph, and believes the children may be a better option than the current players. 

Point Clear to develop new golf course more exclusive than Lakewood, citing issues with too many peasants buying LKWD caps and sweaters.

 

Developers have begun breaking ground on a new golf course and country club in Point Clear that will offer only 350 slots for new members. The Point Clear Club will boast an exclusivity that makes Lakewood look like Planet Fitness, and will no doubt begin a reality show level of interclass drama in the small township. 

The squabble began as a few members noticed peasants having unrestricted access to "LKWD" branded shirts and caps, and even worse, the admittance of a Summerdale man into the swimming pool. 

Fairhope Fitness Craze Takes Off as Women Discover Rucksacks Can Hold Entire Franzia Boxes

 

FAIRHOPE, AL — What began as a wholesome outdoor fitness movement has quickly devolved into Fairhope’s latest wine-fueled social event, as dozens of local women have taken up “rucksacking” — a workout that involves hiking with weighted backpacks — by stuffing their rucksacks exclusively with boxes of Franzia. Participants insist the activity strengthens their cores, improves balance, and “pairs beautifully with a crisp Pinot Grigio.” Witnesses report that the town’s walking trails now resemble “a cross between a CrossFit class and a vineyard happy hour,” with women stopping every quarter-mile to “hydrate” from their CamelBak spouts, which sources confirm are suspiciously tinted pink.

“It’s not about getting drunk,” claimed Fairhope resident Lindsay Porter, adjusting the straw on her bag-mounted wine tap. “It’s about health, friendship, and getting our steps in before the buzz wears off.” The group has even coined a motivational slogan — No Pain, No Pinot — and plans to host the first annual Ruck & Rosé 5K, where finishers receive medals, stemless glasses, and a reminder to call an Uber. Local officials say they’re “monitoring the situation,” though several were seen joining the group after learning the event’s hydration station was a full sangria bar.

Rising import prices cause The Happy Olive to switch to flavored Vegetable Oils.

 The Happy Olive specialty food store in Fairhope has been bathing tourists in an array of flavored olive oils for years. Sadly, rising import fees have prompted the owners to try a new approach to their business model, switching to flavored vegetable oils made right here in the U.S. You can now try frying chicken and catfish in Blood Orange-infused Canola oil, or making brownies with Italian Herb blended vegetable oil. The Happy Olive also plans to find out what on earth a Canola is, because as of now, no one knows. That's not all, for those planning a late night Fairhope Freak Off, they will also be offering flavored baby oils produced by Pensacola Rapper "Per-Diddy Key".

Blind Tiger restaurant not pleased with hedge maze in pier parking lot.

 

The Blind Tiger restaurant, located on the pier in downtown Fairhope is not pleased with the City accidentally erecting a large hedge maze directly over the former parking area. The owner states the maze is only hindering potential customers who are already put off by the construction and lack of parking, and says business has been dropping steadily since. The Council voting to install the real Voldemort within the maze, who forces you into a magic wand duel to pass onto the pier can also be harmful to the Tiger's business prospects. TBT is asking for monetary compensation for the harm to the restaurant, and the City is at the moment only offering a Harry Potter like figure to help customers battle the Voldemort.

Hope Farms takes flight! Sets it's sights on a local airline with "Big Bird Fairhope".

 Fairhope's famed restaurateurs at The Hope Farm have recently expanded their territory to a coffee shop, and again this month with Little Bird Fairhope, a polite nod to another restaurant that opened in the old Wintzell's named after a little bird. To help bring more folks to their businesses, Hope Farm has funded a farm-to-engine airline running out of Sonny Callahan airport called "Big Bird Fairhope
". The airline is scheduled to make weekly runs to Seaside, Mountain Brook, and Spring Hill in Mobile. The special Airbus crafted plane will feature a Sports Bar called the Larry Byrd, featuring sports broadcasts only of bird-themed teams, which fortunately is most of them. 

Fairhope woman honored with Medal of Valor for thinking about going to Mobile one time.

 

(Point Clear, Al)-  A ceremony is to be held on Saturday at the Fairhope Civic Center honoring a young Point Clear resident Ashleigh Clark, who in a group text with several of her friends last week recommended a restaurant in downtown Mobile for a friend's dinner night. After a few minutes with no response, she replied "lol" to herself then suggested Kingfisher instead. Her bravery did not go unnoticed though. Word spread about her courageous text through the Point Clear community, and soon she was shortlisted for the new series of awards for valor and bravery for Fairhope residents called "Heroes of Fairhope". This week Clark was awarded the Medal of Valor unanimously by the panel of jurors made up of 10 citizens who get an adrenaline rush watching WPSD 6 o'clock news.