Fairhope's First Baptist Book Club members upset this month's book is once again The Bible.

 

Some anonymous members of the First Baptist church's monthly book club have sent letters of complaint urging the club to rethink this month's book, The Bible, which has been chosen for 116 consecutive weeks, and since the formation of the club. One member had stated she was hoping for Twilight this month since it is October, but the Club pushed back saying that Revelations was just as good and the Stephanie Meyer's vampire Trilogy. The primary complaint from members is unlike a typical Bible Study, this group in true book club fashion, starts the book from the beginning each month, with most of the members barely getting through Exodus. After some consideration, the Club President has now decided to appease the members and has switched the October book to The Bible: King James Version. 

New Gentlemen's Club "Pink Velvet" coming to Fairhope

 

Fairhope's first Gentlemen's Club is set to open on Del le Mare Street, making way for the new Entertainment District coming to Fairhope. The owners of Pink Velvet also own Red or White and Aubergine, two shops nearby, and they are planning a colorful complete takeover of the street, which may include a Crimson Tide apparel shop and any other variation of colors on the Red side of the color palette. Protesters are already organizing downtown opposing not the Strip Club but whether Aubergine fits into the red color scheme or if that is more on the Blue spectrum

Details emerge showing "Flying Creek" Project will now be an elaborate system of underground Golf Cart tunnels for Rock Creek residents.

 

The new Flying Creek Nature Preserve north of Fairhope broke ground last month creating a new park system in the Dyas Triangle property. The Dyas Triangle is not an occult ancient burial ground like the name suggests but is merely a cursed interdimensional realm where GPS is useless and the squirrels have dark existential ponderings. 

What's more interesting is new details have emerged that the pedestrian tunnel being placed on N Section is currently being reworked to include a large series of golf cart-sized tunnels for the benefit of Rock Creek residents only. The elaborate tunnel system will allow Rock Creekers to travel underground to areas in downtown Fairhope, Point Clear, and the Fairhope Pickleball courts. The tunnels will have facial recognition technology in Rock Creek to access, restricting residents of other neighborhoods, especially Sandy Ford who will be not be allowed in the tunnels, and will be attacked by rabid foxes Rock Creek has been collecting since 2018 if they try.

Point Clear Supper Club cleared by control burn to make way for 80's themed diner The Breakfast Club.

 

The Point Clear Supper Club was one of Fairhope's most beloved restaurants by almost dozens of people. That is until it was cleared away this week to make way to a new iteration of the restaurant with a hip 80's theme and a sassy spin on Breakfast items. The "Breakfast Club" will begin construction soon and will showcase a menu featuring "Kevin Bacon, and Eggs", "Pretty in Pink Mimosas", and "Berlin Wall of French Toast Sticks". To keep with the theme, The Breakfast Club will NOT have wifi access, but will include complimentary dial-up internet using a computer that takes up nearly 60% of the diner's space.  

Fairhope purchases Tesla Cybertrucks for City Workers

 

The City of Fairhope has purchased 3 new Tesla Cybertrucks for official city use. Two of the trucks will be utilized by the flower watering division, and the other one will be used by the worker manning the station for the Duck Pond by the pier. Violators who refuse to pay the park admission fee can be chased down and trampled by the Cybertruck if they flee. The City Worker has a license to kill issued by Kay Ivey in 2019 and they take their job very seriously.

New Bourbon Themed Retirement Community opens in Fairhope.

 

The best party in Fairhope last week happened to be the grand opening of a new retirement community, Woodford Reserve, located on Greeno and Volanta. Last Wednesday they hosted newcomers to free bourbon tasting, pickleball, and a 5pm Rave set to the music of Glen Cambpell, a supposed musical artist from the days of old. The newest Fairhope retirement community was created for lovers of Bourbon, and people are flocking from across the world to sign up. Amenities include discount cigars, complimentary bourbon during meals, heartburn medicine, and a casket made from discarded charred oak barrels. For those inclined, the community is split between swingers and non-swingers, or as they have aptly named the "Angels Share" or "Devil's Cut" condominiums.

Fairhope PD announces new "Flag" system to warn against Bachelorette Parties, Issues Double Red Flag warning all this week.

 

With Farihope becoming a premier spot for bachelorette and bachelor parties rivaling Nashville, Las Vegas, and Waffle House, Local residents have had to learn to cope with the dangers of the hordes of newcomers ready to party and POSE. Chief Hollinghead warned residents this morning about the risks of encountering the massive parties set to occur this week with Art Walk and Independence Day activities, instructing against getting too close lest you get sucked into the riptide. A bachelorette party riptide has claimed 4 casualties this year alone in Fairhope, and is similar to a normal riptide as it sucks up unsuspecting pedestrians with a quickness, and soon you find yourself in pink boots and matching skirts and you just want to get RIPPED. Remember if you find yourself getting sucked in, swim with the current until you get to the nucleus of the party, then just go with it until 8pm when practically everything is closed anyway.